To fix the problem in your house, start by having a conversation with your child about the difference between tattling and telling. Explain that tattling is when you're trying to get someone in trouble, while telling is informing an adult when someone could get hurt or something might get broken. Here are a few examples and how to handle them.
"Max won't give me a turn"
What he means "I need help solving a problem." If that's the case, call over both kids and problem-solve together, without taking sides or getting into the details of who did what first.
"Lucy is throwing snowballs."
What she means "I'm very proud of myself for following all my parents' rules." A child who is constantly pointing out the bad behavior of other children at play dates or school may simply be seeking attention and praise for her own actions. Help her express her feelings of frustration about the rule breaking. Then focus her back on her own behavior by saying something like, "I'm sure her mom will talk to her about her behavior, and I'm pleased that you followed the rules."
"Jack said a bad word"
What he means "I want to get my brother in trouble." You may want to call over the offender and take action immediately. Don't. That's exactly what the tattler wants yo to do, and it will just encourage his behavior. Say, "I will worry about your brother. That's not your job," and refuse to talk about it further. This approach takes the power out of tattling. If the conduct was particularly egregious, have a discussion with the troublemaker when the tattler is out of earshot.
"They won't play with me."
What she means "I don't know how to make friends." This common complaint often means your kid isn't sure how to join a group of children who are already playing together. Ask her, "What are the kids doing? How can you join the game? Ask if you can play."
by Michelle Crouch, Parents Magazine
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